(in only 36 easy steps) Beijing, China
10.29.2008 - 10.29.2008 50 °F
1. Wake up 8am
2. Leave in taxi for Macau/China border
3. Arrive; wait; go through customs.
4. Walk across border.
5. Arrive; wait; wait;watch the 27 lines for Chinese nationals in customs empty out; continue waiting in the one line for foreigners.
6. Get yelled at by customs lady
7. Walk through shopping mall maze
8. Hold up paper with 'bus' and 'Guangzhou' in Chinese to anyone who looks nice.
9. Magically end up outside near buses and don't know how you got there.
10. Be sold ticket to Guangzhou--for bus that leaves in 3 minutes.
11. Realize you're dripping sweat and look SO pretty right now.
12. Enjoy comfy bus simply because that's the only thing you're sure of--that it's comfy and going...well, somewhere in China...probably.
13. Arrive Guangzhou
14. Game of charades with cab driver including flappy bird wings and a cell phone.
15. Arrive Guangzhou airport after experiencing what it's like to be a passenger in a NASCAR race.
16. Be followed through airport shop by 'helpful' shopgirl telling you how 'cool' your selections are.
17. Insert headphones in ears, pull out journal, wait for departure, hope for deodorant fans on flight.
18. Only give the buffer seat of luggage up to someone who speaks perfect English--Ellen, in from London, originally from Sierra Leone.
19. Complain with Ellen about China and how rude everyone is.
20. Get on plane.
21. Refuse gelatenous cube food when offered.
22. Try to get taxi to hostel.
23. Get kicked out of cab when cabbie can't read computer printout with Chinese address on it.
24. Have helpful airport employee yell at new cabbie and explain address.
25. Cabbie stops for directions.
26. Cabbie stops for directions.
27. Cabbie stops. Makes you pay him and get out. Points to dark courtyard that looks nothing like a hostel.
28. Talk to random old Chinese woman.
29. Get invited to come inside by random old Chinese woman while she looks for directions to the address.
30. Stay outside.
31. Call hostel front desk and have attendant talk to cabbie.
32. Turn around--where is the cabbie?
33. Stand thinking, "Is this how it will end?"
34. Cabbie returns, make it to hostel at same time as Kevin, from New Jersey.
35. Check in, put down bags, use bathroom.
36. Get drunk.